The more things change the more they stay the same.
09/23/2007 08:46 PM
I've got to start off
by giving props to Social Unrest for a great
show last night at the Blank Club in San Jose.
The band was tight, professional, entertaining
and on. The Blank Club had a surprisingly good
sound considering the layout and the corner stage
setup. Great mix, great
balance. I've got a song in my head.
It's not a Social Unrest song, though if I dwell
too long on that thought, I may have
Cheater, Handcuffs Too Tight or Their Mistakes
in my head. But it's one of those songs
that isn't in my head because I just heard it.
It's in my head because it's in my head. It's
been known to happen. It usually
happens when I'm driving. Sometimes when I
daydream I might think of something going on in my
life, or in someone's life who is close to me, and a
song will come to mind. Maybe I'm thinking of
what is coming, and maybe that triggers a song for
me. Oftentimes when I'm struggling with
something, and there is no song that comes to mind, I
subconsciously start to construct one. Maybe I
can't think of a song that captures the emotion
that I'm feeling, so I've got to create it.
It's like that scene in Jerry Maguire. Not the
"you complete me". Not the "you had me at
hello". No, "not the show me the
money!" I thought of another scene today when I
was watching Bret Michaels' Rock of Love on VH1
earlier. One of the girls in the house is
telling another that she loves Bret "for the man that
he is and the man that he wants to be" and the other
girl tells her that her line is from Jerry
Maguire. No, the scene I'm thinking of
is the scene where Tom Cruise's character is
driving in his car, and is fumbling on the radio to
find the song that fits his emotion at the time, and
after a few attempts to fit his emotion into songs on
the radio, he finds a station playing Tom Petty's
Free Fallin'. Great song and great scene,
because we've all been there. Tom Cruise is a
good actor in my opinion. Sometimes celebrity
press gets in the way of what actors can do, and I
think that Tom Cruise (Brad Pitt is another) is a
great actor whose celebrity and personal life may
overshadow his talent. Maybe you could blame it
on the scientology, but did I say that?
I'm not going there tonight. A Few Good Men,
The Firm, The Outsiders, Rain Man, Top Gun and Jerry
Maguire are movies that I have seen and will watch
again and thoroughly enjoy. The scene where
Cruise sings Free Fallin' in Jerry Maguire is just an
honest scene that strikes a chord with me. He's
laying it all out while he's singing. It's an
equal mix of adrenaline, enthusiasm and insanity
in no particular order. And he's going for it,
isn't he? He's not mouthing the words or doing
it under his breath or doing it in a way as to blend
in behind Tom Petty's vocal on the song. Cruise
is belting it out at the risk of his pitch because
it's about letting it out rather than keeping it in
or singing the song recording studio perfect.
He's feeling it and as a songwriter, that's like one
of the greatest compliments I could get. To
know that someone is singing one of my songs with
such enthusiasm that you can't tell where their
emotions stop and your song begins. So the song
in my head, which has not gotten to my lips yet, is a
song I haven't heard in a while. It's The More
Things Change by Cinderella off of their Heartbreak
Station CD. There are times when we feel that
change brings about change. There are times
when change does bring about change. If you
move from Oakland, CA to Castro Valley, CA (as I did
once), things change. The neighborhood is
different, the neighbors are different, the
restaurants are different, and heck, the zip code is
different. In this case, we're only
talking a geographical move of a few
miles. There are real examples of change
there. Let's look at the flip side. When
I moved back then, I still worked at Whole Foods
market in Berkeley. I was still playing guitar
with Lipstick Addiction. I still had the same
friends and I still had the same family. My
value system that I had at the time (flawed as it
was) was unchanged. That's just a quick
example. Let's think for a minute. What
about the guy whose last 3 relationships have ended
in disaster. He leaves his current girlfriend
to be with the girl who says all of the right things
and she just seems to understand him so well.
Well, he can make that change, but statistics say
that he's repeating the same behavior and same
situation with a new person, at least until he
addresses what is the root cause of his relationship
issues. What about the teenage girl who is
having an abortion because she got pregnant and
doesn't even know who the father is? The root
issue isn't about getting abortion or not getting an
abortion. The root issue is why this teenage
girl is having promiscuous sex. See, that's the
thing. So many times, we see the problem or
situation as being something that is
external. If I can only get this job, if I can
only get this amount of money, if I can only have a
relationship with that person or if I can only get an
A in this one class. The thing is, all of those
things are just that, only things. If you can't
be happy where you are, then you can't be happy
anywhere. You can create or expedite
change, but maintaining the internal root issue, then
real change will not take place. This can be a
good thing or a bad thing. If you're rooted in
what is good, then you can experience numerous
external changes that do not really "rock the boat"
or anything. If you're rooted in more
complicated issues or negative issues, then a change
is often seen as the answer to your problems when
they essentially just move them to that new zip
code. The thing about catching Social Unrest's
show in San Jose last night is that it brought back
so many memories on so many levels that it is almost
surreal to me and I'm still digesting it.
Cretin K-oS, lead singer for Social Unrest was my
best friend for a while. Amazing vocalist,
amazing musician and amazing frontman that knows how
to work a crowd, work a mike stand, work a song and
create a visual experience in a musical
setting. I had never seen K-oS perform with
Social Unrest before. When I had met him, he
was several years removed from that band and scene,
and they only recently reunited. To see him
again was great and to just hang out and party with
him during and after the show was great. I do
have to define "party" here because there is a
certain connotation sometimes for this term to allude
to drugs or drinking which isn't how I mean it.
My son River has a few parties this month and they
will include cake, a carnival and a Transformers
mission. It's just friends having a good time,
period. So the time with K-oS was huge. I
also reunited with another best friend of mine.
I hadn't seen Allan in I guess 11 years or so.
We had lived together in like 3 different
places. Went through so much together.
Grew so much together. Sometimes that growth
was good, sometimes that growth was bad. Allan
and I got to reunite at the Social Unrest show and
prior to it. Now Allan has changed, much like I
have changed over the years. There is a
measurable degree of change or growth, and the
direction of that growth is a good thing because we
are not using our own flawed judgement if it is a
good direction or not. We are relying on God's
word to tell us if it is a good direction or
not. The other thing with Allan is that we
played in a couple of versions of a band together as
well. Also last night, last but not least, I
got to reunite with another best friend, Rytchie, my
old lead shouter for Lipstick Addiction. I've
got to tell you, it was so good to see Rytchie doing
his thing just like he had always done his
thing. Now I hadn't seen Rytchie in about 12 or
13 years now. The number of years don't matter
when there is a relationship that is built on solid
ground. There was so much that I had forgotten
about about our relationship over the years because I
didn't have the perspective that Rytchie had at the
time. I'm not saying that my perspective was
right or wrong, it was just mine, and his was
his. But my oh my! When I was able to put
the pieces together from his perspective and my
perspective it's like I gained some years of my life
back. There were gaps that were filled, there
was more understanding of where I was, and you know
what, I understand more and more why I am where I
am. Sometimes I have questioned my place or
position in life. Not like what I have or
anything, but where I am and who I am. It's
more clear to me now, but nowhere clear enough for me
to explain it to the untrained soul. Safe to
say that I know, (K-oS, Allan and Rytchie know too)
what I'm talking about. The thoughts that went
through my mind last night were strange. With
K-oS' history of vocals, guitar and bass playing,
Allan's bass playing and Rytchie's
vocals, music was the common denominator
last night. Seeing my friends was
huge for me. I played music with, laughed with,
cried with and fought with and fought for all of
these guys. There were two things that have
sort of come up for me last night and in the
conversations I've had in the week or two leading up
to it. I've experienced regret and
temptation. I'm gonna say this though, and I
can't believe that I'm saying this as I type it, that
the regret and temptation is not a bad thing.
It's not. I've always said that I've never had
regrets, and maybe after I define some of this more,
it won't seem like regret. Or maybe it
will. I remember many things that I have done
and many things that I have experienced that I would
never go back to again. Plain and simple.
I am not going back to where I was. There are
two different things here at work. One is not
wanting to repeat that past, but not really having
issue about what the past actually is. The
other is not wanting to repeat the past, but having
issue of what the past actually contains. There
are many things that I can look back on and know that
I was lost and made bad decisions but since I didn't
know Christ then, I can understand why I made some of
the choices that I made. That's pretty
basic. If you're like me, you may see someone
doing something wrong, and rather than fault them for
what they are doing, you pray for or talk to them
about God. you see, don't treat the symptom,
treat the disease. We get busy sometimes
telling people what they are doing wrong rather than
telling them who to look to to learn how to do things
right. We shouldn't get caught up in telling
people everything that they do wrong. If we get
the sinner to Christ, the sin will take care of
itself. The sinner should be expected to act
like a sinner. My brain tells me that this
applies to me as well, but what I have a harder time
reconciling are some of the choices that I made that
were not right. Christ in life or no Christ in
life. There are basic understandings that
people should have between people and friends should
have between friends. Now I know that this
takes us down a subjective road. What is right
for me is not always right for you and vice versa,
but I guess I'm talking about choices that I made
that I knew were bad. Anyway, that's the idea
as far as regret goes. Not so much feeling
guilty about doing certain things, but more not
understanding what the rationale, motivation or
thought process behind certain decisions. Okay,
that's the regret issue and it's put to bed for
now. You can decide if that is regret or what,
but I stand by it that it is a healthy feeling
because if I didn't have this feeling, I would
almost be emotionless. The second issue
was temptation. As I talk to old friends from
this era in my life, I am tempted by whatever it is
that drove my emotions and actions during these
times. It's not uncommon. I see how many
kids get a guitar or listen to music and I know what
that stirs in people. I know what it felt like
to be in a club watching bands play and me not being
in one of them. I know what it felt like to
have free drinks available to me but also knowing
where that line is in my life now. I know what
it felt like to be at the after party but also
knowing that I had an opportunity to serve God that I
wouldn't jeopardize for anything. Yes, these things
are the priorities in my life, but I'd be lying if I
said that I didn't feel a little pull. Sure,
I've changed, but remember when that root issue is
the same. I was in a similar place and I
remember the guys I was. I spent some time last
week with a bother from Vallejo who has moved to
Mariposa to live with his mother. He told me
that he missed Hillcrest Baptist Church so
much. he said that he felt that all of the
people at his new church in Mariposa were all
Hypocrites. I told him, "Tim, we're all
hypocrites." And that's true. But I'll
tell you one thing, just because I'm where I am and I
believe what I believe, I will never be ashamed of
where I've been and will always be ready to walk
through the door to be with my friends. That to
me is a huge sin. The guy who becomes a
Christian and all of a sudden, can't tolerate and
won't dignify the people he once called
friends. I know people who think that as
Christians, they shouldn't associate with their old
friends because they are so up here, and their old
friends are so way down there Guess what, we're
all so way down there. So that's the deal for
now. Regret. Temptation. Cretin
K-oS and Social Unrest, Rytchie von Lindemann and
Lipstick Addiction, Allan Reid who is my bother in
Christ but who also walked through a door with me
last night that into a place he wasn't ashamed to
visit, but also had the sense to know that he wasn't
going to stay and knew how to get back out the
door. I don't know where all of this is going
because I'm not God, but I do trust Him. I also
know that friendship is priceless. When my best
friend Jack passed away earlier this year, I really
saw how temporary and fragile life is. You know
what I remember about Jack? I remember that he
never tried to hide any of his struggles with me, I
remember that he treated everyone with respect
regardless of social or economic status, and I
remember how much he loved the Lord from how much he
loved his friends and family. There is nothing
a friend of mine could do to make me stop loving
them. The only thing they could do is to get me
to increase my prayers for them, because when I got a
friend in Jesus, that's what He showed me what a
friend is. Regret and Temptation can be used
for good things. Regret has shown me what to
look for in similar situations and has made me aware
if these situations come up again. Temptation
has also shown me that I have enough strength to deal
with these issues of old. Again, I don't' know
where it's going, but I know that I am strong enough
to handle it because God is going to give me the
strength I need and God is going to be with me
throughout whatever He's got planned. Until
next time.
Grace and Glory,
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Grace and Glory,
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