Oftentimes, we are either raised or taught that something is polite, so in an effort to be polite or to show respect, we may do some specific things for these very reasons. Other times, we may do some specific things to not only be polite, but to make a connection to somebody, to build rapport. Some people use the term Sir or Mister as in Mister Jones when addressing a man. It may be Ma'am, Miss Mary or Mrs. Jones for women. The problem with this, is that even though you may use these terms for the right reasons, it may be resulting in an exact opposite way from what you intend. I personally know many women who resent being called Ma'am or even Mrs. as in Mrs. Jones. I also know many women who do not like to be called Miss as in Miss Mary. I also know many people who use those exact terms to show respect or to be polite. I know many men who do not enjoy being addressed as "hon" by a woman they have just met when they are about to place their order for dinner. So are we at a social impasse here? We have people who are attempting to be polite and to show respect but we have people at the same time who do not like to be addressed in certain ways. Do we abandon personal greetings altogether? Not hardly. If we are really trying to build rapport, show respect and be polite, a greeting is the best time and place to do so. Statistics show that within about the first 4 minutes of meeting somebody, we have already made a decision on whether or not we are interested in continuing or pursuing the relationship with the person or not. I am not only talking about friendships, but any type of relationship, even with the sales person when you're buying your new car. It is usually translated into that "vibe" or "feeling" we get from being around people. So that is to say that the initial greeting is important, and without a good one, there is a good chance that you will not have another opportunity to connect with this person. To know how to approach this, we have to ask ourselves a simple question: What is our motivation of addressing or greeting somebody? Is it to tell them as much about yourself as possible? Is it to find out as much as you can about them? Or is it to make them feel as comfortable as you can? If our goal is to focus on the other person rather than ourselves, then our methods of greeting and addressing people narrows down. Now we are no longer focusing only on what we think is the right thing. I say only because a certain amount of our focus must be on what we ourselves have learned. Until we know more about the person, this is pretty much what we have to go on. So how do we find out more about the person and how we should address them? We ask them. It really is that simple.
"Hi, my name is Ryan Chandler."
("Hi, my name is Luke Skywalker.")
"Hi Mr. Skywalker. It's nice to meet you."
("Call me Luke.")
So in a polite way, we have no established that Luke wishes to be called Luke. I may personally think it more appropriate to call him Master Luke as he is a Jedi Knight, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy, before the dark times, before the Empire. However, he has just told me how he wishes to be addressed, and even though it is different from what I would think, I would respect his wishes and address him as he requests because it is my desire to make him more comfortable. We know this because we have taken the time to find out a little more about this person and have shown them that we have taken to heart what we have learned. If this is truly your goal, to think of the other person and to do it for them rather than yourself, then this is a great way to start. As we work with people throughout the day, relate to people at school or minister to people's needs, it doesn't matter what you say or do if you do not make an effort at building a relationship. Until next time.
Grace and glory,